You wipe your mouth as you feel the burn of your favorite whiskey, tingling on your tongue and providing a sense of warmth and comfort. The darkness surrounds you as you hide behind the car in the garage, hoping your wife doesn’t come out to check on you. She doesn’t know you like to drink, and you know she wouldn’t be too happy if she found out.
You stash the bottle back under the utility sink, one of your many secret hiding places. There is some form of alcohol hidden in probably half the rooms in the house. You have been doing this for a couple of years now, ever since you got promoted to Chief Financial Officer at the company you have been with for years. The added stress of the job led you to find ways to cope, and alcohol was there to relax you and provide relief. Surely you are not an alcoholic, no one even knows you like to drink. You have everything under control, no one suspects a thing, right?
In 2021, 20 vehicle crashes resulted in fatalities caused by alcohol in Pinellas County. At Tranquil Shores, we understand how readily available alcohol is and how it can cause harm to more than the person consuming it. We offer the option to work with an interventionist to help your loved one see the effects their alcohol use is having on the family and their career. This can be especially helpful for someone living as a closet alcoholic. Let’s look into what a closet alcoholic is and what you can do if you suspect your loved one needs help.
What Is a Closet Alcoholic?
A closet alcoholic is someone who drinks in complete privacy and secrecy. Typically, their partner, friends, family members, and coworkers have no idea the person consumes alcohol regularly. A closet alcoholic drinks on their own terms, often hiding alcohol throughout the house, at work, or in the vehicle they drive. While it may be harder to spot a closet alcoholic, there will still be signs that could indicate they are consuming alcohol.
The term “closet alcoholic” is actually outdated as it carries a negative connotation that people associate with being wrong. Using terms like “alcoholic, addict” discourages people from seeking help or reaching out. The proper terminology is a person living with an alcohol use disorder.
Closet Alcoholic vs High-Functioning Alcoholic
While both types of alcoholism share a few similarities, they are two different conditions. A person with closeted alcohol use disorder keeps their drinking completely secret, and the thought of someone finding out their habits can cause extreme anxiety. They would rather drink at home or find ways to drink before going out with friends to keep up the appearance that they do not drink at all. The exhilaration of getting away with drinking combined with using it to cope with stress keeps the pattern of closet alcoholism going.
High-functioning alcoholics – better known as those with a high-functioning alcohol use disorder – also tend to hide their drinking, but they are not afraid to drink around other people. They may have a few drinks before going out but also drink with other people. Those with high-functioning alcohol use disorder also maintain their jobs and families, but alcohol may cause strain on relationships as drinking patterns continue. The person will typically deny that alcohol is the problem as they are still providing for their family and themselves.
Signs That Your Loved One May Be a Closet Alcoholic
It can be difficult to spot a person living with closeted alcohol use disorder as they live in secrecy. They take careful precautions to make sure you don’t find out about their alcohol use, including having private bank accounts or money stashes to pay for alcohol. However, alcohol use disorder can still present with signs, and as their drinking continues, these become more apparent.
Using Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism
Stress is one of the biggest drivers of alcohol use as the relaxing effect can seem to make all the stresses melt away. Events in life can cause added stress and anxiety, such as moving to a new city, job changes, and the addition of new family members. The person with closeted alcohol use disorder sees drinking as a way to manage these stressful changes. Even though their family and friends don’t know it, alcohol has become the person’s crutch to handle the pressures in their life. However, over time it may be apparent they are drinking. Signs of alcoholism that are noticeable include experiencing alcohol withdrawal symptoms, giving up hobbies and activities, and pulling away from family and friends.
Hiding or Sneaking Alcohol
One of the biggest characteristics of a person living with closeted alcohol use disorder is hiding and sneaking alcohol. They will typically have a stash of alcohol in easily accessible places for themselves, but not noticeable to others around them. This could be in closets, drawers in their office, vehicles, and anywhere they know the family won’t suspect. They may even hide alcohol at work as well. When they are ready for a drink, they will find an excuse to leave the room and go to one of their hiding places. There may be other items hidden with the alcohol to not raise suspicions, such as breath mints or mouthwash. Once the container(s) are empty, they may hide them in their neighbor’s trash cans or take them to a public trash bin. This way there is no evidence of alcohol around their own home.
Denies a Problem With Alcohol Use
A main symptom of alcohol use disorder is denial, and it is no different for closeted alcohol use disorder. When confronted about alcohol use, they will deny it to protect their habit. This can be frustrating for loved ones, especially if they know for sure the person is drinking. The best way to confront the person managing a closeted alcohol use disorder is to have physical proof to show them. They cannot deny what is in front of them, and presenting it in a compassionate and supportive way will help them open up about their use.
Engaging in Heavy Drinking
The person managing a closeted alcohol use disorder is careful as they do not want to get caught. However, this does not mean they do not partake in heavy drinking spouts. When they know they are alone or have no worries about family members being around, heavy drinking episodes can occur. They have the freedom to drink as much as they want and clean up the mess later. This can pose a problem though as the more they drink, the more they will need to feel the effects. They may find that the occasional sip here and there no longer calms them the way it used to, leading to an increase in alcohol use.
How to Help a Loved One Living as a Closet Alcoholic
As we talked about above, confronting a loved one with closeted alcohol use disorder can be difficult without proof. Check areas that are common grounds, such as vehicles or closets. Sometimes, they may hide alcohol in different containers. The bottle of shampoo they use may not be what is inside for example. They are good at keeping their secrets safe, so thinking outside the box can help you find proof of their drinking.
Even if you do not have solid proof, having a conversation can help address your concerns. Remember that they are a person, someone you love and care about. They are not a problem or a burden and reassure them you only want what is best. Don’t be afraid to be firm and set boundaries. Listen to their side and their feelings and be supportive and understanding.
You Don’t Need to Hide Your Alcohol Use Anymore: Get Help for Alcohol Use Disorder in Pinellas County, FL
Managing an alcohol use disorder, especially privately as with closeted alcohol use disorder, can put added stress into your life. While alcohol may seem to be a coping mechanism now, it can quickly take over your relationships, career, and body. Finding an alcohol rehab is the first step to begin the journey of healing. Through proven therapy methods and coping skill development, you will be able to leave alcohol behind and find a renewed sense of purpose. Recovery is beautiful, and beginning the journey today will open the door to a brighter tomorrow.
If you or someone you love is managing an alcohol use disorder, reach out to us for help. Tranquil Shores is a leading provider of addiction treatment in Madeira Beach, Florida, just outside the Tampa area. Our program offers alternative healing including acupuncture, Kai Chi Do, meditation, and more along with traditional therapies and activities. We can tailor treatment to fit your needs, goals, and lifestyle. Call us today at 727-391-7001 for the peaceful and private treatment you deserve.
